Sexuality, Feminism, and Catholicism

I figured there was no title that could be more interesting than this one, so I will also go for a similarly interesting start to this post: if you are Catholic then you must, by definition, be a Feminist. 

There, now that I have gotten that out of the way I can explain what I mean.

Even if we go with a basic/crappy definition of Feminism we ultimately see this to be true.  To be a feminist is to be a defender and a champion for the rights and equality of all people and, thus, to oppose any and all discrimination and oppression of women, for such oppression and discrimination is in and of themselves a show of inequality and of basic rights being taken away.  In fact, I would say that to be a feminist is ultimately to love your neighbor as yourself, for if you do then you will inherently desire to treat your neighbor, male and female, with the same rights as everyone else and with the same love as everyone else. 

That is why to be Catholic, or any Christian for that matter, is to never abandon this notion of feminism, for they are both rooted in the calling we all have to love our neighbor as ourselves. 

I would be surprised if most people reading this blog would disagree with this.  Surely we must defend women from unjust discrimination.  Surely they must be treated and paid the same as men in the workplace.  Surely they must be able to vote.  Surely they must be able to choose for themselves what religion they want.

The real question, then, is what does true feminism look like on a practical level?  Is it truly just supporting things like the right to vote, or is there something more?

With these questions in mind, I would like to bring something up with you all. 

My girlfriend, Maria,  posted on her facebook a link to this blog post.  Maria described the blog post as being very sad and upsetting, so I took a look at it.  I encourage you to take a few minutes to read the link above before continuing on with what I have to say.

If you have done so, then you will see how sad it is.  This woman, a self described radical feminist, believes that intercourse (what she calls PIV (penis in vagina)) is inherently wrong because it has been and is used by men as a way to oppress women. 

Now there are a couple of ways to look at a post like this.  Initially I was very disturbed with the intellectual argumentation that the author uses to justify her position (...it isn't good).

But as I read on I looked at it a different way.  I thought to myself what horrible things this author has probably gone through in her life to lead her to such a belief, what terrible abuse she has probably taken by men throughout her life, how much she has suffered in a still sexist world.  Indeed, my suspicions were true, as I read in some of her previous blog posts that she has been abused in many ways by many different men in her life.  She has been so deeply disturbed and affected by the sexism that still exists in this world that she feels and truly believes that the only way to get away from this is to abandon men entirely and to refrain from conjugal love, because it is difficult if not impossible for her to see it as love at all.

Indeed, Christians (hopefully) recognize how amazing sex is under the right circumstances.  God did not tell us to 'be fruitful and multiply' (Gen 1: 28) as a punishment; it was a command.  Conjugal love, the act of intercourse between a husband and wife, 'involves a totality in which all the elements of the person enter--appeal of the body and instinct, power of feeling and affectivity, aspiration of the spirit and of will.  It aims at a deeply personal unity, a unity that, beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming one heart and soul' (Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 1643).  The husband and wife in the Sacrament of Marriage and, by extension, the act of intercourse give themselves entirely to the other, self sacrificing themselves.  The act of intercourse is that physical act of complete bodily self-giving to your spouse, issuing a union of the bodies which stops being 'bodies' and starts being 'body', but not just one flesh, for such a union is the physical representation of the spiritual union the husband and wife undergo when they say 'I do' before God, their community, and each other. 

But sexism distracts so many people, particularly women, from seeing this truth.  In fact, sexism plays its part in the act of sex itself in numerous ways.  Doesn't pornography serve as a degradation of the act of sex as well as the men and, especially, women involved in it?  Don't men who have pre-marital sex 'often' receive less shame then women in the same circumstances?  Isn't the loss of virginity oftentimes treated with greater importance for women then for men?  Aren't women who wear skimpy or immodest clothing oftentimes blamed for the sexual abuse that may befall them as a result of their clothing? 

The unfortunate answer to all of the above questions is yes.  I know because I myself have, at one time or another, done or assumed these sexist acts or thoughts, sometimes even without my realizing it; and many men that I know have acted or continue to act on these thoughts as well.  In fact, even women are sometimes sexist against their own gender. 

So what is the answer then?  How can the woman stated above, and other women who have been hurt or abused (physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally, or spiritually), and so many others who have experienced sexism, especially in the act of sex itself in one way or another, recognize the gift of total self giving that is conjugal love in all its God-given glory?

The answer, it seems to me anyway, is in the very definition Catholicism and of Feminism: to love your neighbor as yourself.  If you truly care about a person, if you truly desire for them to become better people and holier people, if you truly remember how much God wants them to know Him, then you will desire to show them that you do, not through oppression or disdain, but through Love.  This is not to suggest that you cannot or should not speak the truth; you should always speak the truth, even if it is uncomfortable for some to listen to.  It may very well be uncomfortable for people to hear that you should, for instance, have sex only in marriage, for they may be having sex with their boyfriend/girlfriend and what you say will to them be a sort of attack because you are attacking their beliefs and actions.  But you can still do so in love and charity.  And it is through this that God can and will act in their heart as well as ours.

If you are Christian, then please pray for the woman who wrote that blog post, please pray for all women who are used and abused, who experience discrimination in their daily lives.  And pray that you and I have the courage to stand up against that discrimination and love that woman as we love ourselves.